Happy VD!

     This post may be out of the ordinary in terms of post content, but special occasions seem to call for the extraordinary, don't they?

This Valentine's Day, I'm going to give you the gift of feeling "Geez, I'm glad I'm not her" and lets face it, who couldn't use that little pick-me-up every now and again? ; )

First, I'm going to give you a little background info.  Then, I'm going to tell you a warning tale of falling victim to VD (and get your mind out of the gutter-this ain't Yo Mamma's blog).  The VD to which I refer is that illusive romantic day in which rose petal paths lead to earth shattering love, and chocolate, and fountains of Champagne.  Well, maybe not in that particular order.  And maybe only one out of those three things mentioned above; I did tell you it's illusive so I'm just guessing at what all is entailed in a successful Valentine's Day.

So on to the background detail- You may or may not know that the hubs and I share a beautiful 9 month old.  Also, you may or may not know that we have not been out on an official date since our sweet little babe was born (see following post).  Sure, there have been family dinners out together, and I've shared a few girl's nights, but ALONE, folks!  We have not been alone in quite a while.

We thought the weekend before Valentine's Day would be a fitting time for a romantic date.  We were wrong.  First, the 9 o'clock movie we went to catch was sold out.  No biggy.  We expected as much and were prepared to stay up for the 10:30 p. m. showing.  (I know- we were like a couple of kiddies staying up past bedtime).  Catching a later showing worked out well.  We bought tickets, then went to kill some time at a very adult lounge and shared a glass of wine on a big comfy sofa.  No kids. Anywhere.  It was very nice.  So we killed the hour, made it back to the theater to get great seats, stuffed our faces with popcorn, and laughed ourselves silly at the movie, "Just Go With It" which was sooo good, by the way. 

Sounds great, right?  Right?! Panicky eye twitch ensuing

Here's how the rest of the weekend went down:

Me: Man, that was such a good movie...perfect for tonight.  I've had so much fun.
Hubs:  Yeah.  Good times.  Do you want to go get another drink?
Me: Uhh, not really.  My head still kinda hurts and it's been perfect so far.  Let's just end it on a high note.
Hubs:  It has been perfect...sooo perfect that I don't want it to end yet.
Me:  Really?  Wouldn't it be great just to go home?  The movie ended really late (12:30 ayem) and if we go home now we could still have fun (wink, wink), pour a glass of wine...still get enough sleep to play with the girls in the morning...
Hubs: Yeah, but it is really late.  By the time we got somewhere we would only have time for one drink anyway and then we'd go home.
Me:  I guess.

and this folks is that pivitol moment in the movie when you're screaming at the characters, "DON'T DO IT.  JUST GO HOME, but they get in their car and go anyway.

Hubs: Where do you want to go?
Me: I don't know.  I hate this town.  There's no place worth going.
Hubs: Weren't your friends still out?  Where are they?
Me: Yeah.  Let me txt and see if they're done with the concert.
Me (five minutes later):  They're at Mulligan's.
Hubs:  Wanna go there?
Me: Not really, but whatev.  They're already wasted, I bet.
Hubs:  It's okay.  It's late. Remember?  Only one drink and we're out.
Me: How in the hell do we get to that place again? Ugh, I hate downtown.
Hubs:   There it is.  Oh. This is a one-way.
Me:  Please do not get a ticket before we even go in.  You so need to get your eyes checked.
Hubs:  L:ike you should be talking.  Where in the bleep do we park?
Me:  I have no frickin' idea and I DO have glasses...I just still can't see in the dark.  Drive up two blocks and circle back down the street.
Hubs:  Ooh.  Here's one!
Me:  We're still like two blocks away.  AND IT'S COLD.  I'm so not walking all the way over there
Hubs: silent cursing and glares
Me:  Oooh. Look!  There's a parking lot right next to the building AND there's some spaces available in it.

Mind you, by the time we parked we only had 30 minutes of hang time so we thought we were doing pretty good.  We ordered a beer and visited and parted ways with our friends.  No harm. No foul.  Husband was right.  This wasn't so bad. Right?!  Right?!?!?!?  Panicky eye twitch is at it's peak, now, and bulgy vein thing on the side of forehead is in full effect.

Approximately 2 seconds after we parted ways.
Me:  Hey!
Hubs: Where's our car?  Are we in the right parking lot?
Me: YES!  YES!  We parked right here and walked in right there!!!! pointing and walking back from where I just came as if backtracking will make the car reappear.
Hubs:  walking toward another lot, voice trailing off   Maybe it's just over here.
Me:  OH. MY. GOD. We've been towed!!!
Hubs: What? No. What?
Me: violently pointing at the tiny-ass sign between the entrance & exit of the lot.  WE'VE BEEN TOWED!!!  OHMYGAAA HOW IN THE bleep DOES THIS bleep HAPPEN TO US? SERIOUSLY OUR FIRST bleepin' DATE NIGHT?  bleep bleep bleep TOWING IN DOWNTOWN CORPUS CHRISTI?  SINCE WHEN IN THE bleep DOES CORPUS HAVE bleep DOWNTOWN bleeeeeeppppppppp

And scene.

     Well, I'd like to say that it ended there.  We were lucky that one friend hadn't left and we were able to get a ride home with her. And we were lucky that her cousin's husband is a cop so we called her to ask what we should expect to pay.  I asked, "So what are we talking?  Like $200 or $700?" To which she thought more like $200-$400. TWO. TO. FOUR. HUNDRED. PEOPLE.  HOLY CRAP SO MUCH FOR TRYING TO SAVE MONEY AND NOT GETTING CAUGHT FALLING FOR ALL THAT VD MARKETING AND SPENDING HOOPLA.

Yeah.  Why spend $150 for a purse I've secretly been wanting, but know I can live without when I can spend it getting my car out of hoc?!  I was really upset, as you can imagine, but the hubs was all super romantic and all "we're going to look back at this Valentine's date and have good memories and money comes and money goes and blah blah blah." And I was a total brat, bawling and all "I don't wanna pay crap and I want my money back, and I told you we should end it on a high note! END IT ON A HIGH NOTE!!!"  Not my proudest moment.

The next morning we got up early to call for the cost, directions, etc. On the way out the door the hubs reminded me to grab the title which I did.  Once we arrived and handed the crackhead  lady our title she asked for our insurance.  Hubs opened his glove box to which he fumbled around in while the woman shifted weight from foot to foot and I huffed and puffed. 

Me:  Here.  Let me look.
Hubs:  I'm looking.  This is expired.
Me: Why on Earth wouldn't you have a current copy?  Ugh.  I'll go to the truck and get my copy. stomping off with hubs close behind
Me:  fumbling through my glove box.
Hubs: What's the matter?  Don't have the current copy? smirking
Me:  Don't even start.  I know where my copy is.  It's in my backpack so that I could make a copy of it to mail off for a new registration sticker.
Hubs:  Where's your backpack?
Me:.... silence

So on our way home to get our insurance card so that we could drive all the way back to town to get our car out of impound:

Me: I smell dog bleep.
Hubs: Maybe you stepped in some.
Me: OH MY GOD  Maybe YOU stepped in some.  I SAW where the dog bleep was while you just go tromping through it!!!!!!!   PULL OVER. OHMYGAWD!!!!!!
Hubs:  Oh.   You're right.  There it is.  smiling crazily

At this point, we just both double over laughing.  I mean, what the hell else could we do? 

See.  You're thinking it aren't you?  Glad you're not me?! ; )

Happy VD, y'all!  Hope your day doesn't smell like poo poo : )

Love,

The Kitchen Witch

p.s. Y'all should totally check out Miss Yvonne over at Yo Mamma's Blog because she's a really funny lady.